Sunday, December 25, 2011


Saturday, December 24, 2011

The Damns Given

what do i want?
approval.

who do i need to be?
ive tried
ill be anything
| no |
not anything
me
| just me | 
| no |
not just me
me !

don't hold back
my mind may be at the top but my soul is at the center
it's time to let it speak

Friday, December 23, 2011

The Green Grass

the grass is greener on the other side
but where do the sides end?
better to be happy than living in constant want
im right here. right now. this is where i am. 
where i am supposed to be 
by design 
purposed
no need to wish for the greener side
the flaws will always be easy to find
 the art of singling out the good, the beautiful
is not easily mastered
hard labor of the mind and emotions are required,
but the reward is food for the heart
 your heart needs food too, you know
the more we wish and dream of the greener grass,
the more we starve our hearts of the joys of right now. 


Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The Long Walk

I'm standing at the base of a mountain.
The rhyme from preschool comes to mind
Can't go under it.
Can't go around it.
Have to go over it. 
I can't fly & my jumping record maxes out at a foot, 
so it looks like my two feet will be taking me to the other side.
that's logical, right?

there is a mountain in my path and i have to hike over it
it will be tough, no doubt
but it will be worth it
there will be the grueling treks but not without the beautiful moments
and i will reach the top 
and it will be okay
by the end i will have learned new lessons and encountered a different type of beauty than the plateau would have allowed.

my personal mountains, i must hike over.
and this is what I have to remind myself- 
you can't fly
your personal mountains cannot be conquered in a day
you cannot do it alone, 
because you are weak

I need a sustainer, a helper, a guide to help me through this trek
and I have one, but what good is He if i continually ignore Him?
Life is a journey and He is with me, 
to make the tough times more bearable and the beautiful times more beautiful. 

and the mountains- they don't go away
they never will,
but neither will His prescence
and everything is better when you know you are not alone. 

so conquer,
with Him.

Monday, December 12, 2011

The Mistaken Mistakes

ache.
reaching.
the gap needs to close.
anyone have adhesive for the heart?

once  I tried to give my cares to the backs of the sand dollars by the sea.
...they came back.
but it was a poetic gesture.

a salve for the longing, maybe that's more like it

He's teaching me to be okay
okay with the normal, okay with the outliers
and the beautiful mistakes

are there such things as mistakes?
they all shape us into who we are
some make good memories, laughable even

risk within bounds,
but risk all the same.
yes, memories to warm my heart. 



Tuesday, December 6, 2011

The ER

Sitting in the ER. 
To my left sits a lady with her face in her palm.
Her other hand clenching her side.
 She appears to be doing everything she can to hold in the pain.

To my right are sweet friends,
waiting on the results of their friend's ct scan.
She is well.
No seat belt, car totaled, walking away with a fractured arm.

Behind me are two tired women,
resting,
waiting on loved ones.

At the front desk is a daughter,
all I hear is
"8 stinnets"
 "massive heart attack"
I see her dear mother,
 barely able to support herself in the chair.

I walk in laughing at my friend's clumsy mistake,
hoping that his stitches won't hurt too bad,
planning on fixing it with ice cream afterwards.

I walk out with eyes wide open to God's grace.
Grace that I live a life that has been free of loss,
a healthy body that doesn't require much,
and an existence that has never known pain. 
It's easy to forget the world we live in.


Thursday, December 1, 2011

The Little Rhyme


One thing I ask is to be found bowed at Your feet, 
that You may be pleased. 
That my heart may be fixed where true joys are to be found, 
effacing all the worries that so easily surround. 
My life is Yours, I know that to be true
but please take my heart and yield it Lord, completely to You.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

The Thanks

Here I sit,
on a lovely bench under a tree with falling leaves,
with cobblestones under my feet and a sun painted all shades of orange setting behind me.
I can hear the squirrels romp through the leaves around me.

If there's one thing this semester has taught me, it is this:
I live immersed in beauty every day.

Sometimes I must do more searching to see the beauty,
but it is there all the same.

Thanksgiving is not a day.
It is not just Thursday, November 24.
If thanksgiving were that, just a day- how bland life would be.
How many blessings around us would go unnoticed if it was constrained to 24 of the 8,760 hours we are given each year?

No- Thanksgiving is a posture in which I am to live.
It is the final article I must clothe myself in daily.
It is the lens through which I am allowed to see beauty,
to see the blessings the Lord surrounds me with.
Without thanksgiving, the beauty is drawn out of our lives.
Our selfishness,
our dissatisfaction with life,
is magnified all the more with this ignorance.

Thanksgiving is the staple.
It is the acknowledgment of all that the Lord chooses to bless us with.
It softens our hearts to His love and opens our eyes to His blessings.

So, during this holiday, I am thankful.
Thankful for home cooked meals.
Thankful for the sweet friends and families that I got to spend time with this week.
Thankful for my own family

And my thanksgiving must not stop here-
in this moment,
in this day,
in this week.

It must continue-
day by day,
moment by moment,
as the Lord opens all of our eyes to the blessings surrounding.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

The Years That Go By

 "The years of our life are seventy, or even by reason of strength eighty; yet their span is but toil and trouble; they are soon gone, and we fly away....so teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom"
Psalm 90
 The hands of God.
Out of the same hands that bring beautiful autumn trees comes the wild winds that rip them to shreds. Life is fragile.
Time owes us nothing.
We aren't guaranteed another minute, another hour, another day.

Ann Voskamp describes time as a river that rushes through without any regard of travelers passing through. I think if the Lord instilled the reality within all of us that our days truly are numbered,
we'd all live so differently. We'd be so much more intentional about our life. We'd treasure and nurture the relationships in our lives. As a Christian, I would feel the urgency to love on others so much more. I'd be more direct in telling everyone of all that my Lord has done for me. We really aren't promised anything. As cliche as this is, we all need to learn to live as if tomorrow wasn't there. And if we are honest, it's not. We don't know what the future holds, but we stroll through life as if we do. If I live to be 60, I don't want to wake up and realize that I've wasted 21,900 days of my life with meaningless tasks and unintentional conversations with people I never took the time to deeply care about and a relationship with the Lord that I never tried to tell others about. Even just with college. Time is fragile, and this is such a vital time to learn from the Lord. Why would I waste that by seeking out selfish desires, so I can learn the same lessons I did in high school 50 more times? Not that I have the ability to choose the higher road, because I don't. But there is a desire to live and grow close to the Lord. Teach me to number my days.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

The Beauty

"We want to be united with the beauty we see, to pass into it, to receive it into ourselves, to bathe in it, to become a part of it."

Beauty is what I've been missing.
I get glimpses of it on a daily basis
(autumn anyone???)

 Life is good, friends.




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