Saturday, October 20, 2012

hi,

 my name is madelyn 
& i do everything can't do anything right

&THAT is why i have JESUS
&it's why His love for me B L O W S my mind 
&it's why HE is the BEST THING that ever happened to me


               
                                                                   

Monday, October 15, 2012

long blurb on lovin

It's hit me before, but I think as girls alot of us get so caught up in looking forward to this fairytale called marriage....and I'm not convinced that it is a fairytale, atleast not the way that we've been taught to view it. I think it's a beautiful thing that God created, but it's not perfect and it's not what makes you complete.

You know, I'm already complete- I'm whole, I'm me, I'm Madelyn, I'm here- I don't need another person to make me complete. Not in a feminist, independent, rebellious, "I don't need anybody" kind of way, but I became complete when I decided that I wanted to live for Jesus. That's when all the holes were filled up for me. And I'm don't want to limit God's plan for my life to just meeting one person on this earth. 

This idea that one person comes into our lives, and then the world is right again. Then we will be whole. It's what we're trained to think is going to make us happy and fulfilled.

But that is not our aim of life, Jesus is. Love Him and love others for Him.

Not that I don't believe in love, or am a cynic, I just think we get too carried away in a worldly picture of love, and portray it as what God intended our life's aim to be.

Maybe I'm wrong. I'm not saying I'm right. There's just something inside of me that wants to run far away from the idea that I can't just be complete on my own.

I guess if one day I find some man on this earth that I want to be around for the rest of my years (and who can show me the same toleration haha) I'll have a better understanding of all of it. But I'm not hinging my human experience on it. For now it's just me and Jesus and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

"what can make me whole again? Nothing but the blood of Jesus"

Saturday, October 13, 2012

soda pop & parks & pop rocks & pups


i want to be a bird & see amazing things & land on comfy clouds 
she says,
& if i were a tree, it'd be a christmas one so i could be bright & beautiful
...i'm just a regular little girl

pop rocks & the park & a pup & some soda pop 
made for a wonderful afternoon with this sweet little nugget.

these days it's been lots of fun little things, peppered with some irresponsibility to make for beautiful times. but the way i see it, is there's gonna come a day, if it hasn't come already, when the mountains we face can't be solved by a plate of cookies, an inapporpriate joke, or singing a song at the top of your lungs, and the mistakes aren't always gonna be so laughable. 

So, I'm treasurin these days when the learnin from my livin doesn't sting so bad & laughter can be the cure all for my problems
embracing some youthful naivety, or you may call it immaturity, knowing there's honna come a time when i'm not going to be able to do that as often. I look forward to those new chapters of life, and for now, am making the most of the one that i'm in.

“Why can't you fly now, mother?"
"Because I am grown up, dearest. When people grow up they forget the way."
"Why do they forget the way?"
"Because they are no longer gay and innocent and heartless. It is only the gay and innocent and heartless who can fly.”
peter pan


Sunday, October 7, 2012

freedom

this year has been 
freedom
a joy, like no other
laughter of a different kind
an outlook previously foreign

oh man
.this year
my spirit's been broken, real broken and all I can do is breathe out
walls that have been there far too long are crumbling down
the worries are still there, but in a smaller magnitude
a different sense of calm is in me
the reassurance that it's all gonna be alright. 
The promises of God are starting to come a little closer to my heart. 
I can live, I can finally live without reserve 
(most of the time, that is)

Life has become a beautiful thing. 
My black and white has become vivid with color and it's more than wonderful.
I'm not sure what's going on, or who I am or what I want but for the first time it's OKAY.  
It's alright that alot of things go wrong these days and I have no direction and I cry alot more than I used to because the beauty of it all is that it's freedom

I can laugh at the things that go wrong. 
I can cry instead of denying my sensitivity. 
I can breathe a little easier 
knowing that whatever happens, it's alright because I am here for Jesus and the rest is secondary.
I'm a work in progress and sometimes that's gonna be rough,
but everything becomes the forgotten past soon enough

He has made me the way that I am and for the first time I can accept who that is and whether messy or clean, it is a beautiful, beautiful thing. 

Friday, July 6, 2012

| make war |


"Besides this you know the time, that the hour has come for you to 
wake from sleep
For salvation is nearer to us now than when we first believed. 
The night is far gone; 
the day is at hand. 
So then let us cast off the works of darkness and 
put on the armor of light. " 
Romans 13:11-12

We make war, cause sin never sleeps. 

it's not a game anymore, something I do
it's the reason i live
i'm not here to succeed
i'm not here to be comfortable
i'm not here to have a family
i live to love Jesus better with each passing day until I get to be with Him, 
completely unhindered by the flesh

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

through smoke

when everything you know seems so untrue
when I'm lost in a place that I thought I knew 
give me some way that I might find you

chaos confusion
they race through like wildfire
the house of my mind, clouded by the smoke
ashes of it beneath my feet
 
bring water to quench these flames
time to clear this haze
 
to the carpenter from the cross, 
rebuild your house

 





 

Friday, April 20, 2012


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I've got my kinks and my quirks, but Jesus still loves me

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