hi,

 my name is madelyn nicole parsons

& i do everything can't do anything right

&THAT is why i have JESUS

&it's why His love for me B L O W S my mind 

&it's why HE is the BEST THING that ever happened to me

               

                                                                   

long blurb on lovin

I don't know, It's hit me before, but I think as girls alot of us get so caught up in looking forward to this fairytale called marriage....and I'm not convinced that it is a fairytale, atleast not the way that we've been taught to view it. I think it's a beautiful thing that God created, but it's not perfect and it's not what makes you complete.

I guess I've been thinkin about it lately as I get closer and closer to the age that people do get married and I just think to myself- I already live a life overflowing in love and laughter and joy without romance. You know, I'm already complete- I'm whole, I'm me, I'm Madelyn, I'm here, I am complete- I don't need another person to make me complete. Not in a feminist, independent, rebellious, "I don't need anybody" kind of way, but I became complete when I decided that I wanted to live for Jesus. That's when all the holes were filled up for me. And it seems silly to limit God's plan for my life to just meeting one person on this earth. 

I guess I feel like we so easily put our whole life's hope into it, thinking when that person comes into our lives, then the world will be right again. Then we will be whole. It's what we're trained to think is going to make us happy and fulfilled.

But love is not our aim of life, Jesus is. Love Him, Yes, and love others for Him and if that doesn't include a male companion that doesn't mean you're missing out or being cheated of something.

I just wish we could all learn to live fully where we are in the person that we've been created to be, myself included. And if you can do all that and happen to find a partner that helps you do that better, that's awesome, but I just think there's so much more to be experienced that can be easy to miss when we're caught up in this artificial goal of happiness.

Not that I don't believe in love, or am a cynic, I just think we get too carried away in a worldly picture of love, and portray it as what God intended our life's aim to be.

Maybe I'm wrong. I'm not saying I'm right. I'm also not trying to comfort myself with justifications of why it's alright to not be dating someone. Because honestly, I'm not sure that I can handle that right now. There's just something inside of me that wants to run far away from the idea that I can't just be complete on my own.

I guess if one day I find some man on this earth that I want to be around for the rest of my years (and who can show me the same toleration haha) I'll have a better understanding of all of it. But I'm not hinging my human experience on it. For now it's just me and Jesus and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

"what can make me whole again? Nothing but the blood of Jesus"

soda pop & parks & pop rocks & pups

i want to be a bird & see amazing things & land on comfy clouds 

she says,

& if i were a tree, it'd be a christmas one so i could be bright & beautiful

...i'm just a regular little girl

pop rocks & the park & a pup & some soda pop 

made for a wonderful afternoon with this sweet little nugget.

these days it's been lots of fun little things, peppered with some irresponsibility to make for beautiful times. but the way i see it, is there's gonna come a day, if it hasn't come already, when the mountains we face can't be solved by a plate of cookies, an inapporpriate joke, or singing a song at the top of your lungs, and the mistakes aren't always gonna be so laughable. 

So, I'm treasurin these days when the learnin from my livin doesn't sting so bad & laughter can be the cure all for my problems. 

embracing some youthful naivety, or you may call it immaturity, knowing there's honna come a time when i'm not going to be able to do that as often. I look forward to those new chapters of life, and for now, am making the most of the one that i'm in.

“Why can't you fly now, mother?"
"Because I am grown up, dearest. When people grow up they forget the way."
"Why do they forget the way?"
"Because they are no longer gay and innocent and heartless. It is only the gay and innocent and heartless who can fly.”

peter pan

freedom

this year has been 

freedom

a joy, like no other
laughter of a different kind
an outlook previously foreign

oh man
.this year. 
my spirit's been broken, real broken and all I can do is breathe out

walls that have been there far too long are crumbling down

the worries are still there, but in a smaller magnitude
a different sense of calm is in me
the reassurance that it's all gonna be alright. 

The promises of God are starting to come a little closer to my heart. 

I can live, I can finally live without reserve 

(most of the time, that is)

Life has become a beautiful thing. 

My black and white has become vivid with color and it's more than wonderful.

I'm not sure what's going on, or who I am or what I want but for the first time it's OKAY.  

It's alright that alot of things go wrong these days and I have no direction and I cry alot more than I used to because the beauty of it all is that it's freedom. 

I can laugh at the things that go wrong. 

I can cry instead of denying my sensitivity. 

I can breathe a little easier 

knowing that whatever happens, it's alright because I am here for Jesus and the rest is secondary.
I'm a work in progress and sometimes that's gonna be rough,
but everything becomes the forgotten past soon enough

He has made me the way that I am and for the first time I can accept who that is and whether messy or clean, it is a beautiful, beautiful thing. 

| make war |

"Besides this you know the time, that the hour has come for you to 

wake from sleep. 

For salvation is nearer to us now than when we first believed. 

The night is far gone; 

the day is at hand. 

So then let us cast off the works of darkness and 

put on the armor of light. " 

Romans 13:11-12

We make war, cause sin never sleeps. 

it's not a game anymore, something I do

it's the reason i live

i'm not here to succeed

i'm not here to be comfortable

i'm not here to have a family

i live to love Jesus better with each passing day until I get to be with Him, 

completely unhindered by the flesh

through smoke

when everything you know seems so untrue

when I'm lost in a place that I thought I knew 

give me some way that I might find you

chaos confusion

they race through like wildfire

the house of my mind, clouded by the smoke

ashes of it beneath my feet

 

bring water to quench these flames

time to clear this haze

 

to the carpenter from the cross, 

rebuild your house