Sunday, December 25, 2011

Saturday, December 24, 2011

The Damns Given

what do i want?

who do i need to be?
ive tried
ill be anything
| no |
not anything
| just me | 
| no |
not just me
me !

don't hold back
my mind may be at the top but my soul is at the center
it's time to let it speak

Friday, December 23, 2011

The Green Grass

the grass is greener on the other side
but where do the sides end?
better to be happy than living in constant want
im right here. right now. this is where i am. 
where i am supposed to be 
by design 
no need to wish for the greener side
the flaws will always be easy to find
 the art of singling out the good, the beautiful
is not easily mastered
hard labor of the mind and emotions are required,
but the reward is food for the heart
 your heart needs food too, you know
the more we wish and dream of the greener grass,
the more we starve our hearts of the joys of right now. 

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The Long Walk

I'm standing at the base of a mountain.
The rhyme from preschool comes to mind
Can't go under it.
Can't go around it.
Have to go over it. 
I can't fly & my jumping record maxes out at a foot, 
so it looks like my two feet will be taking me to the other side.
that's logical, right?

there is a mountain in my path and i have to hike over it
it will be tough, no doubt
but it will be worth it
there will be the grueling treks but not without the beautiful moments
and i will reach the top 
and it will be okay
by the end i will have learned new lessons and encountered a different type of beauty than the plateau would have allowed.

my personal mountains, i must hike over.
and this is what I have to remind myself- 
you can't fly
your personal mountains cannot be conquered in a day
you cannot do it alone, 
because you are weak

I need a sustainer, a helper, a guide to help me through this trek
and I have one, but what good is He if i continually ignore Him?
Life is a journey and He is with me, 
to make the tough times more bearable and the beautiful times more beautiful. 

and the mountains- they don't go away
they never will,
but neither will His prescence
and everything is better when you know you are not alone. 

so conquer,
with Him.

Monday, December 12, 2011

The Mistaken Mistakes

the gap needs to close.
anyone have adhesive for the heart?

once  I tried to give my cares to the backs of the sand dollars by the sea.
...they came back.
but it was a poetic gesture.

a salve for the longing, maybe that's more like it

He's teaching me to be okay
okay with the normal, okay with the outliers
and the beautiful mistakes

are there such things as mistakes?
they all shape us into who we are
some make good memories, laughable even

risk within bounds,
but risk all the same.
yes, memories to warm my heart. 

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

The ER

Sitting in the ER. 
To my left sits a lady with her face in her palm.
Her other hand clenching her side.
 She appears to be doing everything she can to hold in the pain.

To my right are sweet friends,
waiting on the results of their friend's ct scan.
She is well.
No seat belt, car totaled, walking away with a fractured arm.

Behind me are two tired women,
waiting on loved ones.

At the front desk is a daughter,
all I hear is
"8 stinnets"
 "massive heart attack"
I see her dear mother,
 barely able to support herself in the chair.

I walk in laughing at my friend's clumsy mistake,
hoping that his stitches won't hurt too bad,
planning on fixing it with ice cream afterwards.

I walk out with eyes wide open to God's grace.
Grace that I live a life that has been free of loss,
a healthy body that doesn't require much,
and an existence that has never known pain. 
It's easy to forget the world we live in.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

The Little Rhyme

One thing I ask is to be found bowed at Your feet, 
that You may be pleased. 
That my heart may be fixed where true joys are to be found, 
effacing all the worries that so easily surround. 
My life is Yours, I know that to be true
but please take my heart and yield it Lord, completely to You.

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