i feel

I've got a tattoo on my foot that reads "sento"

It came from the hands of an italian woman in an irish parlor

we laughed as I cried at the pain

after all, sento means "I feel"

she wrapped my foot in plastic and we smoked a joint and went dancing

just before I caught my flight back to the states

I came across the word in a small workshop in Florence

the artist had it printed on her jewelry

I asked her what it meant

'I feel' she said,

as she explained how that word embodied so many things-

a sense of freedom and fullness

anyone who knows me well, will tell you I need no help with this

'She came out of the womb with that word on her foot', they'd say

feeling is something I have always done fully

concealing has never been my specialty

'let it be' is not the course of action i usually take

I'm a mover, I'm a shaker

I like to feel all the feelings 

and leave no stone unturned

I'm not one to back down 

and it's fine until the tough things start to kick in

the confusion, the doubt, the loneliness, the vulnerability

because then I want to immediately resolve it

then I do something rash

I start acting out of self preservation

I have the conversation prematurely

Tears fall as I revert to worst case scenario-

the world is closing in on me

doubt is the only sound I can hear

and then I regret it all

this is when my feelings don't give me freedom and they don't make me full

they steal happiness 

and they make me heavy

repelling all of my self that i love so much

my laughter, my freeness, my lightness

they make me easy during the good times

and more than challenging during the bad

can someone else see past that much

could they love me that fully

i tell myself yes, then I wonder if the answer is really no

sento.