Thursday, January 19, 2012

The Fear

"where You go we will follow"

That's quite a statement. 

Yes Lord, where You go I will follow, but how do I know where that is when I can't tangibly see You?
What if I think that I'm following You and then it turns out that I'm not?
What if I mess up?
What if I do the wrong thing?
What if I don't do enough?

And that's where the promise is whispered to my heart
If God can clothe the lillies of the field and feed the birds of the air, 
How much more He will take care of me, 
His child

He knows my heart 
The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak
Oh, but I want so badly for my flesh to be strong
 And that's just it-
My flesh isn't ever going to be strong and that's the whole point of the gospel

Christ took my burden because I couldn't bear it
Because i CAN'T do it
It's not going to happen 

"for I came not to call the righteous, but the sinner"

It's not all on my shoulders, it never will be
The Lord will lead me
I will stumble plenty a time,
He will pick me back up, 
I will see the arms that pick me up,
I will be reminded that it is His love for me that put those scars on His wrists
Those scars are not there because of what I do for Christ, 
They're because of what He did for me

Monday, January 16, 2012

The Conference

breathe in|breathe out
city lights and busy streets
mmm its the urban oasis

No, not Passion, but God.
We tend to forget the moving power behind these conferences we go to,
giving all of the glory to a conference instead of the Lord.

Anywho, I can't believe I haven't written about it yet. 
It wasn't near as emotional as I had expected it to be, instead very substantial. I can confidently say that the Lord used every single aspect of those 3 days to change my life. 
Doubt eradicated. Identity and purpose established. Friendships made stronger. 
so thankful that I was blessed with the oppurtunity to start the semester in that way.
While there however, I felt that the Lord was putting it on my heart to pursue participating in Youth With a Mission during my spring semester of 2013. Still praying and in the application process. The Lord still has alot of doors to open; I will have to get accepted into the porgram and approved by Auburn to have my scholarship put on hold so I won't lose any scholarships by taking the semester to do this. I'd be doing 3 months of training and 2 months of missions work overseas. Again, if this is where the Lord wants me, He will open those doors and if not He will shut them. Just the experience of saying yes to what I feel Him calling me to do has been fruitful in and of itself. 
Into my first semester, the Lord is teaching me how to glorify Him in the everyday environment- showing me that where I am right now is exactly where I am supposed to be. I can glorify Him just as much as I could halfway around the world. He has already blessed me with some amazing encounters with others and I know He will continue to do so.

He's on the move, no doubt and I'm so excited to see what He is going to do this semester.

Friday, January 6, 2012

The Power

I believe in the LORD
maker of Heaven and earth


my God spoke creation into existence
He destroys cities by Heavenly fire
He makes walls crumble and seas divide
He brings dead to life
even the touch of His cloak brings healing
so do not doubt
my God is more than able to do anything i could possibly imagine
He is doing something in me far greater than i could ever imagine
He is doing something in you far greater than you could ever imagine

| let this doubt in my heart be dead |

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Saturday, December 24, 2011

The Damns Given

what do i want?

who do i need to be?
ive tried
ill be anything
| no |
not anything
| just me | 
| no |
not just me
me !

don't hold back
my mind may be at the top but my soul is at the center
it's time to let it speak

Friday, December 23, 2011

The Green Grass

the grass is greener on the other side
but where do the sides end?
better to be happy than living in constant want
im right here. right now. this is where i am. 
where i am supposed to be 
by design 
no need to wish for the greener side
the flaws will always be easy to find
 the art of singling out the good, the beautiful
is not easily mastered
hard labor of the mind and emotions are required,
but the reward is food for the heart
 your heart needs food too, you know
the more we wish and dream of the greener grass,
the more we starve our hearts of the joys of right now. 

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The Long Walk

I'm standing at the base of a mountain.
The rhyme from preschool comes to mind
Can't go under it.
Can't go around it.
Have to go over it. 
I can't fly & my jumping record maxes out at a foot, 
so it looks like my two feet will be taking me to the other side.
that's logical, right?

there is a mountain in my path and i have to hike over it
it will be tough, no doubt
but it will be worth it
there will be the grueling treks but not without the beautiful moments
and i will reach the top 
and it will be okay
by the end i will have learned new lessons and encountered a different type of beauty than the plateau would have allowed.

my personal mountains, i must hike over.
and this is what I have to remind myself- 
you can't fly
your personal mountains cannot be conquered in a day
you cannot do it alone, 
because you are weak

I need a sustainer, a helper, a guide to help me through this trek
and I have one, but what good is He if i continually ignore Him?
Life is a journey and He is with me, 
to make the tough times more bearable and the beautiful times more beautiful. 

and the mountains- they don't go away
they never will,
but neither will His prescence
and everything is better when you know you are not alone. 

so conquer,
with Him.

Monday, December 12, 2011

The Mistaken Mistakes

the gap needs to close.
anyone have adhesive for the heart?

once  I tried to give my cares to the backs of the sand dollars by the sea.
...they came back.
but it was a poetic gesture.

a salve for the longing, maybe that's more like it

He's teaching me to be okay
okay with the normal, okay with the outliers
and the beautiful mistakes

are there such things as mistakes?
they all shape us into who we are
some make good memories, laughable even

risk within bounds,
but risk all the same.
yes, memories to warm my heart. 

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

The ER

Sitting in the ER. 
To my left sits a lady with her face in her palm.
Her other hand clenching her side.
 She appears to be doing everything she can to hold in the pain.

To my right are sweet friends,
waiting on the results of their friend's ct scan.
She is well.
No seat belt, car totaled, walking away with a fractured arm.

Behind me are two tired women,
waiting on loved ones.

At the front desk is a daughter,
all I hear is
"8 stinnets"
 "massive heart attack"
I see her dear mother,
 barely able to support herself in the chair.

I walk in laughing at my friend's clumsy mistake,
hoping that his stitches won't hurt too bad,
planning on fixing it with ice cream afterwards.

I walk out with eyes wide open to God's grace.
Grace that I live a life that has been free of loss,
a healthy body that doesn't require much,
and an existence that has never known pain. 
It's easy to forget the world we live in.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

The Little Rhyme

One thing I ask is to be found bowed at Your feet, 
that You may be pleased. 
That my heart may be fixed where true joys are to be found, 
effacing all the worries that so easily surround. 
My life is Yours, I know that to be true
but please take my heart and yield it Lord, completely to You.

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