The Fight

It's tough. 

Because the struggles are real. The desire is there.

But God is bigger than the struggles and the desires are nothing but a masquerade- 

a lie that the fruit of the tree will be better-

 that God is witholding.

But God is bigger than that lie and He is bigger than the liar it came from

Let me have the strength to believe the truth.

The Simple Things

i want to be a bird & see amazing things & land on comfy clouds 

she says,

& if i were a tree, it'd be a christmas one so i could be bright & beautiful

...i'm just a regular little girl

pop rocks & the park & a pup & some soda pop 

made for a wonderful afternoon with this sweet little nugget.

these days it's been lots of fun little things, peppered with some irresponsibility to make for beautiful times. but the way i see it, is there's gonna come a day, if it hasn't come already, when the mountains we face can't be solved by a plate of cookies, an inapporpriate joke, or singing a song at the top of your lungs, and the mistakes aren't always gonna be so laughable. 

So, I'm treasuring these days when the learning from my living doesn't sting so bad & laughter can be the cure all for my problems. 

embracing some youthful naivety, or you may call it immaturity, knowing there's going to come a time when i'm not going to be able to do that as often. I look forward to those new chapters of life, and for now, am making the most of the one that i'm in.

“Why can't you fly now, mother?"
"Because I am grown up, dearest. When people grow up they forget the way.""Why do they forget the way?""Because they are no longer gay and innocent and heartless. It is only the gay and innocent and heartless who can fly.”

peter pan

The Smoke

"when everything you know seems so untrue

when I'm lost in a place that I thought I knew 

give me some way that I might find you"

chaos, confusion

they race through like wildfire in the house of my mind,

clouded by the smoke,

ashes of it beneath my feet

bring water to quench these flames

time to clear this haze

to the carpenter from the cross, 

rebuild your house

The Purpose

"I am just here to love and the rest will come with time"

...because I wasn't created to have a social network. I wasn't created to go to events. I wasn't created to have the latest clothes. I wasn't created to eat good meals. I wasn't created to have nice things. I wasn't created to go to church or even the mountains or the ocean. I wasn't created to go to college, get a degree and make loads of money. I wasn't created to get married and have cute kids and live in a cute house.

I was created for Jesus. To love Him and love His people and that is all. 

So next time I'm wondering why I feel empty, and why I don't I have all that I think I need, maybe it's because that's not what I was created for. I was never supposed to have or do all of that. None of those things are in any close proximity to my purpose.

Blessed to have these things, yes. 

But necessary?

essential for a full life?

no

All that I need. 

ALL that I need, 

resides in the temple that has been built in my heart. 

And that is it. and that is real. and that is where life, purpose is to be found.
Not in the gifts that God gives us, but in God Himself.

The Soul Book

people

people everywhere

big . little . young . old

happy . sad . hurt

stories

stories everywhere . from everyone

beneath the surface of the skin is the novel of the soul

if i had the eyes to see, to read yours,
then maybe I could love,
maybe i could understand, 

maybe i could shake this apathy that consumes me

if there are souls hurting then why am i not helping

why am i acting as if i know your soul story to be good

why am i not loving,
wastefully loving everyone around

sometimes i think it's not the hurting that need the most help,
it's ME

a cure for apathy,
that would fix more than a doctor ever could

Lord, cure me

give me eyes . give me ears . give me understanding

to be consumed in the novels of the souls that surround me

The Conference

breathe in|breathe out

city lights and busy streets

mmm its the urban oasis

Passion.
No, not Passion, but God.
We tend to forget the moving power behind these conferences we go to,
giving all of the glory to a conference instead of the Lord.

Anywho, I can't believe I haven't written about it yet. 

It wasn't near as emotional as I had expected it to be, instead very substantial. I can confidently say that the Lord used every single aspect of those 3 days to change my life. 

Doubt eradicated. Identity and purpose established. Friendships made stronger. 

so thankful that I was blessed with the oppurtunity to start the semester in that way.

While there however, I felt that the Lord was putting it on my heart to pursue participating in Youth With a Mission during my spring semester of 2013. Still praying and in the application process. The Lord still has alot of doors to open; I will have to get accepted into the porgram and approved by Auburn to have my scholarship put on hold so I won't lose any scholarships by taking the semester to do this. I'd be doing 3 months of training and 2 months of missions work overseas. Again, if this is where the Lord wants me, He will open those doors and if not He will shut them. Just the experience of saying yes to what I feel Him calling me to do has been fruitful in and of itself. 

Into my first semester, the Lord is teaching me how to glorify Him in the everyday environment- showing me that where I am right now is exactly where I am supposed to be. I can glorify Him just as much as I could halfway around the world. He has already blessed me with some amazing encounters with others and I know He will continue to do so.

He's on the move, no doubt and I'm so excited to see what He is going to do this semester.

The Power

I believe in the LORD

maker of Heaven and earth

YAHWEH

my God spoke creation into existence

He destroys cities by Heavenly fire

He makes walls crumble and seas divide

He brings dead to life

even the touch of His cloak brings healing

so do not doubt

my God is more than able to do anything i could possibly imagine

He is doing something in me far greater than i could ever imagine

He is doing something in you far greater than you could ever imagine

| let this doubt in my heart be dead |

The Damns Given

what do i want?
approval.

who do i need to be?

ive tried

ill be anything

| no |

not anything

me

| just me | 

| no |

not just me

me !

don't hold back

my mind may be at the top but my soul is at the center

it's time to let it speak

The ER

Sitting in the ER. 

To my left sits a lady with her face in her palm.
Her other hand clenching her side.
 She appears to be doing everything she can to hold in the pain.

To my right are sweet friends,
waiting on the results of their friend's ct scan.
She is well.
No seat belt, car totaled, walking away with a fractured arm.

Behind me are two tired women,
resting,
waiting on loved ones.

At the front desk is a daughter,
all I hear is
"8 stinnets"
 "massive heart attack"
I see her dear mother,
 barely able to support herself in the chair.

I walk in laughing at my friend's clumsy mistake,
hoping that his stitches won't hurt too bad,
planning on fixing it with ice cream afterwards.

I walk out with eyes wide open to God's grace.
Grace that I live a life that has been free of loss,
a healthy body that doesn't require much,
and an existence that has never known pain. 

It's easy to forget the world we live in.