i’m not ready.

 

i wrote all of that,

hoping the words will make it true,

that if I say it enough,

it will settle into my bones.

it will feel like something i believe.

 

but the truth is-

i’m not ready.

not ready to let go.

not ready to move on.

i think it goes something like this-

i replay my footsteps 

on each stepping stone,

trying to find the one

where i went wrong

writing letters,

addressed to the fire

i wish you knew how sorry i am

i wish you could see my regret

i wish we could have seen through our pain

to see each other

i made promises to you 

that i never wanted to break

why wouldn’t you let me keep them?

why did you make me break them?

all i want is you in my arms

all i want is a time machine 

to take back the past few months

to take back the unraveling 

to take back everything i did that might have led to this

all i want is you